It’s easier to be a rocket scientist than to remain in a long lasting ‘lovey-dovey’ relationship.
Love can simultaneously bring out whatever the best part of you was, and then throw it into a state of total confusion. This is why relationships are one of the hardest things to maintain on the planet.
It’s true what they say; having a long lasting relationship is hard, but posting staged pictures on Instagram isn’t the only way to handle this crisis.
Finding lasting love is still doable.
This year, I came across some of the most helpful pieces of advice to nurture a loving relationship that will last a lifetime.
Take a look and apply anyone that resonates.
1. Love is the art of dissolving your ego
If you want lasting love, you have to do away with your ego. How can you really ever love a person if you think you’re above them?
Love itself is the art of putting something ahead of you. Sometimes it won’t make sense. As a matter of fact, a lot of love-related issues don’t.
Forget logic.
Logic doesn’t co-exist with unconditional love. Love is not a game where you win and the opponent loses. You don’t need a strategy when you’re in love. You lose if your partner loses.
It’s a win-win or nothing.
When arguments come, don’t try to display your tactical prowess and wit. You’re lovers, not competitors. Keep your heart soft and find ways to settle differences amicably.
Sometimes it’s better to let them win an argument because losing an argument is much easier than losing them.
2. Appreciating the one you love is like loving them twice
Appreciating your partner is an underrated dating hack that can take your relationship from good to super great.
Why?
Because people love to hear things that make them feel good, especially when it comes from the people they care about.
When you appreciate the people in your life, you’re loving them twice because;
1. you’re encouraging them to repeat their good deeds,
2. you’re making them feel super proud and special.
You don’t have to wait to notice a behaviour that’s new and improved, just appreciate them every time an opportunity presents itself.
The more special you make a person feel, the stronger your relationship with them will become.
3. Find a thousand ways to make them happy
Literally speaking, come up with a list of one thousand (1,000) different ways to put a smile on your partner’s face.
Get a notebook, a journal or whatever. Write down ideas whenever they come — especially the ones you get when you’re in the shower.
No pressure, don’t think too big — the best ideas can be the smallest acts of random kindness.
Next, decide on the timelines for executing these ideas.
The purpose of love is to give everything that you can. Love has absolutely nothing to do with what you’re expecting to get — only with what you’re expecting to give — which is everything.
Instead of spending time thinking about your partner’s flaws, invest that time thinking about the different ways you can create ‘heaven on earth’ for them.
It will fill your heart with joy and happiness.
4. What you see is what you get
According to psychology, people hardly ever change.
Their actions may vary from time to time as a result of adapting to situations and circumstances, but their core traits will always remain stable over time.
So why bother trying to change them?
Men marry women with the hope that they’ll never change. Women marry men with the hope that they’ll change. Eventually, both get disappointed.
True love is knowing that your partner has flaws and weaknesses, and yet accepting them for who they are — no judgements, no fault-findings, no accusations — just some good TLC, forever and ever.
In a world where you can be anything, be that person who accepts your partner exactly as they are, with a little slice of kindness and support to bring out the best in them.
5. Never stop trying
The plateau of most relationships is at the early stages where everyone’s at their best behaviour…
The midnight calls, romantic words, tummy butterflies, adrenaline pumps, late date nights, breakfast in beds and tender loving care.
Then suddenly, life happens.
Errr.. nope. Life didn’t suddenly happen. You just stopped trying when you thought you won them over (welcome to romantic boredom).
In an ideal relationship, your aim is to make your partner fall in love with you again and again (and again).
6. Laugh it off
Laugh it off and don’t take life too serious.
Laugh at your partner’s sarcasm, humours and quirks.
You don’t know how many worthless arguments you can avoid by simply laughing or smiling.
Studies show that smiling helps you get happy while scowling makes you feel angrier. It’s also argued that one minute of laughter boosts the immune system for 24 hours, while one minute of anger weakens the immune system for 4–5 hours.
Laughter is the best medicine for the soul and there’s nothing as attractive as a beautiful smile.
When it comes to relationships, it’s easier to laugh and smile in joy than to frown and scowl in rage.
7. Kindness is not what you do, it’s who you are
Fickle traits like money, looks and ambition will all fade away with time, and in the end, you’ll be remembered for your kindness or cruelty.
A kind person is like a true gentleman. He will always think about how their actions will affect other people’s feelings before they act. This is why kindness alone can keep a relationship intact for a hundred years and counting.
To be honest, kindness is the only trait I value above any other thing. Because when you’re in a relationship with a kind person, you’re rest assured that you have someone who really cares about your feelings.
Being kind to others is being kind to yourself too.
As the Talmud says; “The highest form of wisdom is kindness.”
In every stage of your relationship, in both the good and bad times, kindness should be the default mode.
8. You will always have a choice
It’s okay if you’ve loved and lost. It’s okay if love has disappointed you at some point.
You’re very much not alone.
What’s not okay though, is accepting the fact that you don’t deserve the kind of love you expect.
You’re too full of life to be half-loved by anybody.
See, being with someone who makes you feel unwanted is the greatest injustice you’ll ever do to yourself. If someone can’t see the value in you, then you need someone else who can value your worth.
And there’s always someone out there who’ll do anything just to be with you.
9. Everyday is a Monday
Love is not a 9–5 job
With love, you’ve got no shifts, no weekends, no public holidays, no vacations, no sabbaticals.
You just don’t love someone for a couple of months and then plunge yourself into retirement. Who’s gonna pay the pension?
Love demands your full-fledged availability — which means you have to be willing to give it all that you have.
Show more interest, communicate properly, support them through thick and thin, match their level of intimacy, and always be their ray of sunshine even in their darkest hours.
That’s not all.
Make your partner top-priority over everything else. Don’t wait for them to guess what your intentions are. Make yourself available for them — physically, emotionally and mentally…
365 days a year.
In love, you sign up for these things — together, forever.
10. Anger lasting for more than three days indicates that you’re not in love
Whenever I’m angry at my partner, I do 2 things.
1. I jot down the issue on a piece of paper.
2. I wait till the following day before I present it to her.
With time, I’ve noticed that most of the things I jot down are either so trivial or worthless.
In the end, you’re as big as the things that make you angry.
11. Peace of mind is the best gift love has to offer
Most of you are expecting that true love would feel like what Romeo and Juliet shared in the 16th century.
What you see on TV is romanticism, but real life gives you realism.
True love doesn’t guarantee that you’ll feel butterflies in your stomach, dragons in your gut, and seagulls in your head.
What true love guarantees is peace of mind.
Get you a partner that can peacefully coexist with you. Everything else can be built from there.
12. Everyone on the planet is ‘love-confused’
Everyone’s had their fair share of emotional damage and most people haven’t even healed completely from their ugly pasts.
Love confuses everyone.
The butterflies you feel in your stomach for your partner also won’t last forever. At best, they’ll fluctuate and at worst, they’ll disappear forever.
To be truthful, these are the reasons why love sucks.
In a real relationship, there’ll be good and bad days. Differences are bound to appear and arguments are sure to happen but whatever the case may be, these things don’t mean you have a bad love life.
Don’t let the bad days overshadow the good days. We are all love-confused and could use some guidance from time to time.
How much self-reflection, patience and compassion are you willing to show your partner on their bad days? These are the things that indicate how steady and long-lasting your relationship would be.
13. Love is an adventure you’ll never get tired of
No one ever gets tired of love and affection. The more you dig deeper in love, the more you discover its truest sweetness.
Have you ever imagined what loving the same person and being loved back as much, every single day, for the rest of your life would feel like?
There’s no scientific evidence for the highest feeling of love. This means that you can be more in love with your partner tomorrow than you are today.
Now that you know this, please use the time you’ve got to your advantage.
Any day wasted quarrelling with your partner is a day you’ll never get back to potentially discover the deepest feeling of love.
Shower your partner with love and affection everyday. Make them begin to secretly suspect they got the better deal.